Friday, October 21, 2011

Telemarketers For Fun And Profit

I love telemarketers. Yes, I do.

Some of them are psychopaths who believe you have their money in your pockets, true, but most of them are people who like talking to people and who honestly believe they have a good cause to support or a good product to offer. Those kind and friendly ones are the ones I love.

Why do I love them? Here's an imaginary but typical conversation:

HER: Good evening, Mrs. Allen. My name is Telly. I'm calling from the American Marketing Association. How are you this evening?

ME:  Good evening, Telly! I'm just fine, thank you. How are you?

HER: ...Why, I'm fine, thanks. Nobody ever asked me that before.

ME: It's a hard job, isn't it? People can be so rude.

HER: They can be. Sometimes they just hang up on me.

ME: I did some political calling once. A couple of people cussed me out.

HER: I've had that happen, too.

ME: Well, that's a shame. I'm sorry that happened to you.

HER: Aw, thank you so much! ... Anyway, I'm calling this evening to tell you about a new service in your area. The American Marketing Association would like to blah blah blah. Would you be interested in that?

ME: Does it cost anything? Because if it costs anything, probably not. Times are hard, you know?

HER: I sure do! But there are several levels of involvement. For $, you can have blah. For $$, you get blah and blah blah. For $$$--

ME: I'm sorry to interrupt you, but you're already out of my price range. Might as well save both of us some time.

HER: ~laughs~ I appreciate that.

ME: Do you have material you can mail me, so I can look it over?

HER: No, but we have a web site. Would you like to take this down?

ME: I'm ready.

HER: http://blahblah.blh

ME: Thanks! Do you have pencil and paper? I'll give you my web site.

HER: Oh! You have a web site? A business?

ME: I'm a writer.

HER: Really? I never spoke to a real writer before! What do you write?

ME: ~pitching my site, my books, my short stories, my recipes~

HER: Wow!

ME: Here's my site: Click on the Free Reads tab for some free stories.

HER: Sweet!

ME: Thanks for calling, Telly. It's been a pleasure talking to you.

HER: Been a pleasure here, too!

Take-home message: Telemarketers are people. And they read. ;)

Marian Allen
Fantasies, mysteries, comedies, recipes


Anonymous said...

Marian, I like your take-home message!! :)

Rebekkah Niles said...

Oooh... now there's an idea I've never tried before, selling to a telemarketer!

Also, that's a job I'd hate to have. Those people have my sympathies.

Marian Allen said...

Damyanti, the political calling I did gave me an entirely new perspective on telemarketers, especially the ones working for non-profits.

Juturna, I also try to talk Jehovah's Witnesses into coming to my church, so you see how my mind works.


Debra Purdy Kong said...

Good for you, Marian. I've often thought of doing this, but then decide I want to end conversations as quickly as possible. Maybe I should take more time!

Marian Allen said...

Debra, when you have time, chat a little. If they aren't being timed, they're happy to hear a friendly voice. :)

theikmarket said...

hahaha! now that's a good suggestion. i get telemarketing calls, too. but i always hung up or disconnect call and then report the phone number to this free consumer complaint website well, that's what i thought the best option. but your article's a great eye opener. and i guess you're right.