"I'm Sorry."

WARNING: The following post may reduce you to jello. This is a 2 tissue post.

Coming up on the 1 year anniversary of Whale Song's release, I find I'm feeling retrospective. Sometimes it's good to look back over the year, analyze what went well...what didn't. We all have regrets and sometimes they hang over us, a dark cloud in an otherwise endlessly blue sky. I have a few. But for the most part, everything I've experienced--even the traumatic events in my life like the death of my son and the murder of my brother--has made me who I am as a person...and as a writer.

They say: write what you know. I've always agreed, to some extent, and I've done exactly that. There are also times to write what you don't know, in which case, having good research instincts comes in handy. In Whale Song, I wrote about broken relationships and death--two things I know maybe far too much about.

Although I am writing mainly fiction now, I wrote a lot of poetry and song lyrics as a teen. Last year, while getting ready for the release of Whale Song, I was so inspired by the story that I wrote a song. My daughter Jessica also plays guitar and sings and she performed the following song at the book launch for Whale Song last April.

Sarah Richardson, the main character, has always been a reflection of me--the bullied child I once was, the awkward teen I grew into, and the once bitter adult who harbored resentment towards her father. But Sarah's journey and experiences are her own, and in her darkest moment, when she realizes a truth that changes her life forever, she is devastated. This is Sarah's song to her father--her words, her thoughts...her regrets.

I'm Sorry

I can't believe so much time has passed,

That you'll be with me once again, at last,

Through all the pain my life has been,

I'm sorry for not trusting you,

For pushing you so far away,

For all you did,

I hated you.

I didn’t understand what you were doing,

I thought your actions selfish and confusing,

If only I had really known,

The truth of all that happened,

I’d realize far sooner

That you loved me,

Really loved me.

I’m sorry,

So very sorry,

If I could take those hurtful words away, I would,

If I only knew,

What you'd put me through,

That it was for my own good.

I’m sorry,

So very sorry,

If I could turn back the hands of time, I would,

If you only knew,

I’d make the suffering mine,

But nothing can change time.

I realize you loved me more than ever,

A father’s love could never be more pure,

But, Daddy, I wish you’d stayed,

And never have gone away,

I needed my father,

I missed you,

I love you.

I’m sorry,

So very sorry,

If I could take those hurtful words away, I would,

If I only knew,

What you'd put me through,

That it was for my own good.

I’m sorry,

So very sorry,

If I could turn back the hands of time, I would,

If you only knew,

What I’d do for you,

I’d tell you this,

I’m…sorry.

©2007 Cheryl Kaye Tardif

Read an excerpt from Whale Song.

Pick up a copy of Whale Song from Amazon or your favorite bookstore or library.

I hope you enjoyed this post. And thank you all for making Whale Song the success that it is.

~Cheryl Kaye Tardif

Fathers and daughters

Relationships need special, ongoing care, and often a bit of mending. The bonds between fathers and daughters are so important and often very shaky. I see this in my own life and I can see how not having a good relationship early on with my own father has affected my choices, thoughts and my life. But as with every relationship, there is always a chance of healing, and sometimes this comes many years down the road.

Before I wrote Whale Song, my relationship with my father had changed--evolved into something relaxing, accepting and loving. He had changed. And so had I. I watched him interact with my daughter Jessica from the time she was a baby and realized that he was making it up to me--through Jessica.

Later, when my parents divorced after 36 years of marriage, I was devastated. I blamed my father and returned to my old feelings for him. Divorce is never easy on children--even adult ones. It felt as though my life had almost been a lie, that everything I had known had changed into something unrecognizable. It affected my own marriage.

Ironically, it was at this time that I wrote Whale Song. As the story progressed, it became apparent that my character Sarah was going to have to deal with a tragic event in her life and that her father, who had always been her hero, would make some life-altering decisions.

Writing the last few chapters, I also realized that Sarah was finally ready to accept her father's decisions and forgive him. "Forgiveness sets you free." This strong message weighed heavily on my mind, and I decided that I had some forgiving to do of my own.

To date, I have received dozens of emails from readers who have shared how Whale Song has affected them. It has brought fathers and daughters closer together. It has mended broken spirits and relationships. It has brought mothers and daughters closer together as well. I had no idea that my novel--Sarah's story--would have the power to do such things.

I invite you to pick up a copy of Whale Song from your favorite bookstore or online retailer. If you know someone with a broken relationship, Whale Song makes a wonderful healing gift.

If my novel impacts your life and you'd like to share this with me, I would be honored. I won't reveal your story or information unless you give me permission to, but hearing how my book--any book--changed your thoughts or life keeps me focused on always delivering a story with emotion, depth and value.

In the end, writing Whale Song changed my life and my own relationship with my father. I may not always agree with his choices, but I love my father. And that's all that is really important.

Whale Song set me free.

~*~

• Read an excerpt of Whale Song.
• Order Whale Song.

~Cheryl Kaye Tardif, bestselling author

Women Won't Win.

Thought I’d let you know about a new blog just started up. It’s kind of a battle of the sexes thing; an exchange of ideas over a week or two centred around a specific topic that men and women don’t traditionally see eye to eye on. It was my girlfriend’s idea (a result of her growing fascination with blogging I guess) and it should be fun. Hopefully people will get involved because of they don’t, it’ll just end up being me and her trading blows in public! Have a look anyway, read the ‘rules’ and let me know what you think. I’m up first with my attempt to expose romance for what it really is……….or should I stop now and run for the hills?