"I'm Sorry."

WARNING: The following post may reduce you to jello. This is a 2 tissue post.

Coming up on the 1 year anniversary of Whale Song's release, I find I'm feeling retrospective. Sometimes it's good to look back over the year, analyze what went well...what didn't. We all have regrets and sometimes they hang over us, a dark cloud in an otherwise endlessly blue sky. I have a few. But for the most part, everything I've experienced--even the traumatic events in my life like the death of my son and the murder of my brother--has made me who I am as a person...and as a writer.

They say: write what you know. I've always agreed, to some extent, and I've done exactly that. There are also times to write what you don't know, in which case, having good research instincts comes in handy. In Whale Song, I wrote about broken relationships and death--two things I know maybe far too much about.

Although I am writing mainly fiction now, I wrote a lot of poetry and song lyrics as a teen. Last year, while getting ready for the release of Whale Song, I was so inspired by the story that I wrote a song. My daughter Jessica also plays guitar and sings and she performed the following song at the book launch for Whale Song last April.

Sarah Richardson, the main character, has always been a reflection of me--the bullied child I once was, the awkward teen I grew into, and the once bitter adult who harbored resentment towards her father. But Sarah's journey and experiences are her own, and in her darkest moment, when she realizes a truth that changes her life forever, she is devastated. This is Sarah's song to her father--her words, her thoughts...her regrets.

I'm Sorry

I can't believe so much time has passed,

That you'll be with me once again, at last,

Through all the pain my life has been,

I'm sorry for not trusting you,

For pushing you so far away,

For all you did,

I hated you.

I didn’t understand what you were doing,

I thought your actions selfish and confusing,

If only I had really known,

The truth of all that happened,

I’d realize far sooner

That you loved me,

Really loved me.

I’m sorry,

So very sorry,

If I could take those hurtful words away, I would,

If I only knew,

What you'd put me through,

That it was for my own good.

I’m sorry,

So very sorry,

If I could turn back the hands of time, I would,

If you only knew,

I’d make the suffering mine,

But nothing can change time.

I realize you loved me more than ever,

A father’s love could never be more pure,

But, Daddy, I wish you’d stayed,

And never have gone away,

I needed my father,

I missed you,

I love you.

I’m sorry,

So very sorry,

If I could take those hurtful words away, I would,

If I only knew,

What you'd put me through,

That it was for my own good.

I’m sorry,

So very sorry,

If I could turn back the hands of time, I would,

If you only knew,

What I’d do for you,

I’d tell you this,

I’m…sorry.

©2007 Cheryl Kaye Tardif

Read an excerpt from Whale Song.

Pick up a copy of Whale Song from Amazon or your favorite bookstore or library.

I hope you enjoyed this post. And thank you all for making Whale Song the success that it is.

~Cheryl Kaye Tardif