It’s a treat to
introduce award-winning, multi-published Lois Winston on this week’s blog. As
you’ll see from her bio, Lois has a great deal of experience to share not only
through her work as an author but as a literary agent.
USA
Today
bestselling and award-winning author Lois Winston writes mystery, romance,
romantic suspense, chick lit, women’s fiction, children’s chapter books, and
nonfiction under her own name and her Emma Carlyle pen name. Kirkus Reviews dubbed her critically
acclaimed Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mystery series, “North Jersey’s more
mature answer to Stephanie Plum.” In addition, Lois is an award-winning craft
and needlework designer who often draws much of her source material for both
her characters and plots from her experiences in the crafts industry. Visit
Lois/Emma at www.loiswinston.com and Anastasia at the
Killer Crafts & Crafty Killers blog, www.anastasiapollack.blogspot.com. Follow everyone on
Tsu at www.tsu.co/loiswinston, on Pinterest at www.pinterest.com/anasleuth, and onTwitter at https://twitter.com/Anasleuth. Sign up for her
newsletter at https://www.MyAuthorBiz.com/ENewsletter.php?acct=LW2467152513
Lois’s excerpt from her book
offers some great insights to Dialogue and Narrative. Enjoy!
Being both a published author and
a literary agent has given me a unique perspective on publishing. I know what
it's like to be the writer whose only desire is to sell a novel, and I
know what it's like to have to crush someone's hopes with a rejection
letter. It wasn't until I started sending out those rejection letters that
I began to have a better understanding of why so many writers receive them.
As it turns out, most manuscripts
are rejected for one or more of ten basic reasons. Writers have control
over some of these reasons but not all of them. Over the years I’ve given
writing workshops and talks on this topic. Afterwards, many attendees often
urged me to write a book on the subject, which I eventually did. Top Ten Reasons Your Novel is
Rejected and How to Avoid Them shows writers how they can
control more of their destiny by not falling prey to many of these
reasons. The following is an excerpt from the book:
Dialogue and Narrative
Dialogue is one of two ways
authors can show their stories. The other is active narrative (scenes where stuff happens.) Well-written dialogue,
like well-written scenes, will do one of two things – either advance the plot
and/or tell the reader something essential about the characters. Poorly written
dialogue reads like filler and bores readers.
Although dialogue should sound
natural and realistic, it needs to be written crisply. We all speak with lots
of extraneous words and interjections. We constantly repeat ourselves. We uhm and uhr and stutter and stumble more often than not, unless we’re
members of Toastmasters or championship debaters. Even though these things are
natural and realistic in the real world, they have no place in dialogue. Good
dialogue shouldn’t make the reader want to shout, “Let’s get on with it. Spit
it out already!”
Dialogue should also be more than
just chitchat. It should cut to the chase, not be filled with banal
pleasantries.
Example
of a poorly written dialogue scene:
“Whatcha want, gorgeous?” said a
deep, gravely voice with a heavy Brooklyn accent. He sounded like Fran Drescher
on steroids.
What I’d
really like was two tickets to the ballet instead of two tickets to a
pro-wrestling musical extravaganza. Dave really hated the ballet as much as I
really hated pro-wrestling, but I couldn’t very well buy him something for his
birthday that he didn’t like or want, could I? Although, somehow I couldn’t see
him standing on line for even thirty seconds, let alone thirty minutes, to buy
ballet tickets for my birthday. I ran my fingers through my mass of curly red
hair and bit down on my lower lip as I wondered, did that mean I loved Dave
more than he loved me?
“Hey,
red, you like wanna stop like mooning over The Boulder’s tight ass and like
tell me whatcha want?” continued the male counterpart of Fran Drescher in a
loud, booming voice. I noticed several people turn toward the ticket counter.
“Like I ain’t got all day, you know,” he continued, his voice getting even
louder.
“Uhm,
Nori?” said Reese, tapping her French manicured nails on the shoulder of my
taupe colored Ralph Lauren linen cropped jacket, the one I’d bought on sale at
Macy’s to match the pencil skirt I was wearing. “It’s your turn. You, er, want
to tell the guy what you want, so we can like get out of here, maybe, and go
get something to eat before our lunch hour is over?”
I hadn’t
realized I’d made it to the front of the line and Mr. Fran Drescher was talking
to me. How absolutely embarrassing! I felt the heat quickly creeping up my neck
and into my cheeks as I slowly turned to look at him. He was as wide as Fran
was thin. He must have weighed three hundred pounds. He wore a skin-tight
sleeveless black T-shirt with the red “AWE” logo emblazoned across his massive
barrel of a chest. Muscles bulged on top of muscles on arms that were
completely covered in tattoos in every imaginable color of the rainbow from his
thick wrists up to his bulging shoulders. He had the thickest neck I’d ever
seen, a shaved head, and an enormous gold nose ring, large enough to easily fit
on my wrist, hanging down from his nostrils to his chin. I wondered how he
could eat with that large thing dangling over his mouth.
He slowly
drummed his beefy fingers on the counter as he leaned across, casually leering
at me, as he said in a very sarcastic voice, “Any day now, doll.”
~~~~~
Now, if the ticket seller is a
pivotal character in the story, he needs to be mentioned in detail, but
certainly there are better ways to do it. However, if this is the only time he
appears in the plot (which it is,) he doesn’t need to be described in such
detail. And that’s just the beginning of what’s wrong with this dialogue
passage.
Tag lines (he said, etc.) should
only be used when it would be confusing to the reader not to use them. If the
dialogue is between two characters, tag lines are extraneous because it’s
obvious who’s speaking. The dialogue alternates between the two characters. If
there are more than two characters in the scene, the tag line can still often
be eliminated by the use of narrative action.
Then there’s the body language,
which is nothing but filler. Good writing will only have a character engaged in
body movements that are important enough for the point of view character to
remember later. For instance, if Nori only bites down on her lower lip when
she’s trying to rationalize something to herself, then the lip biting is a tell. (Note: This is different from telling your story. A tell is an action or trait that gives
insight into a character. It’s often used in mystery and suspense when
ferreting out the bad guys.) Maybe Nori really knows Dave isn’t in love with
her and has been trying to convince herself otherwise. But if the lip biting is
merely a body gesture for the sake of a body gesture, it’s filler and doesn’t
belong in the passage.
Adverbs in tag lines should be
used as little as possible. Well-written dialogue should use verbs that are
very descriptive to the action instead of relying on adverbs. That doesn’t mean
you should never use adverbs. Just make sure there’s a good reason for using
them. Otherwise, they become a crutch.
Finally, description for the sake
of description has no place in a well-written manuscript, whether as part of a
tag line, in dialogue, or in narrative. Describe only that which is important
to what is happening to the characters in the scene. If the hero and heroine
are running through the subway, screaming for help as they flee an ax-wielding
serial killer, the heroine isn’t going to notice the overflowing trash can
filled with empty Starbucks cups nor the way the hero’s sea green and turquoise
paisley tie is flapping around his neck as they race for the exit.
Dialogue by its nature will speed
up pacing. Internalization (inner thoughts, monologues) will slow pacing.
There’s a place for both. Good writing will have a balance, and depending on
the genre, might lean more toward one than the other. But keep in mind wherever
possible, you should strive to show your stories, not tell them. Too much
internalization will make editors’ and agents’ eyes glaze over and result in a
swift rejection.
So let’s look at that same
dialogue scene written as it appeared in the book:
“Whatcha
want, gorgeous?”
Two tickets to the ballet? I smiled to myself.
Dave hated the ballet as much as I hated pro-wrestling. Payback would come on my birthday.
“Hey,
red, you wanna stop mooning over The Boulder’s tight ass and tell me whatcha
want? I ain’t got all day.”
“Nori.”
Reese nudged me out of my reverie.
That’s
when I realized I had made my way to the head of the line, and the thick-necked
guy with the nose ring and shaved head was speaking to me. (from Talk Gertie To Me by Lois Winston)
Buy
Links:
Top Ten Reason Your
Novel is Rejected
Talk Gertie To Me