Monday, October 15, 2007

Are you smarter than a fifth grader? If so, create a neologism.

No doubt many of you learned readers have read or heard about the Annual Neologism Contest hosted by The Washington Post. You haven't? Me neither.

Each year, the Post invites its readers to submit alternate meanings for common words. Thus, the birth of a neologism.

Here are the recent winners:

1. Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand): The belief that,
when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
Jewish men.

I tried my hand at this game and came up with a few lame neologisms.

- genealogy: the study of Gene.

- ancestry: the act of being indecent with one's pedigree.

- skillet: a small talent or ability.

- librarian: someone who is religious only in the month of October.

If you create a neologism of your own, please show off your genius. Proceed.

- Karen Harrington is the author of JANEOLOGY, a Spring 2008 release from Kunati Books.

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